You mean we have to actually SHOW them that we care?

        In my observation the past few weeks in my observations with roommates, friends, and complete strangers, I have noticed many things, but the main thing has been the idea of showing people that you actually care. How many times have you gone over to an apartment and they yell "come in!!", so you go in and they are sitting on the couch watching television? In my mind this tells me, "Jerica, you are not as important as my show and not worthy of my energy to get up to answer the door." Now, I know that this is not always the case, but it is a lot of the time.
      How important do you feel when you knock, they answer the door, invite you in, turn off the television and are interested in what you have to say? It really does make a big difference in the little things you do to show a person that you care.
       Another instance, I was sitting at an activity and doing one of my favorite things to do. Observing people. One table had two couples at it. The people who were in relationships had their phones out, and were not even talking to each other. Our world is getting corrupted by technology. I sat there wondering how many deep conversations those couples have had, and if they were even comfortable having meaningful conversations because in the time that I have known them, all they do is play on their phones.

What if we showed the people we are surrounded by, that they are important? Novel idea right? How often do you hear of or experience...

• People writing letters to their friends
• Opening their front door personally when someone knocks
• Leaving their phone at home or in their pocket when with other people
• Going on a walk and talking instead of watching television
• Getting to know the people in your class that you sit by
• Striking up conversation with the person who always walks the same way as you
• Pushing the person in a wheelchair, instead of walking on by

One apartment of boys really impresses me. Each time I have gone over, I have been greeted at the door invited to sit down and the television has been turned off. Even the roommates that I do not know partake in conversation even though they hardly know me. 

What will you give up to show the people that are around you that you care? 

Do The little Things Really Matter?

In my life as of late, I have seen people justify too many things. It is just a few minutes past curfew,or what does it matter if I don't pull the blinds up when he is here?, or well, this movie isn't that bad...

 What will it really matter in the end if we do these things? Will it have an effect on our eternal progression? And will my small actions make a big difference in who I marry?

YES!

Luke 16:10 He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.

If we are able to keep the daily small tasks in our life, it means we will be strong and keep true to the large tasks in our life that we commit to. Sure it is just showing your ankle, and it isn't that big of a deal. But, how can God know that we can be counted on if we are not able to keep true to the little things. What will you say to your daughter when she comes out in a little too short of skirt and she says, "It is just a little knee showing". What do you think God has in store for us if we keep true to those little things and are trusted on. Someday I want to be able to be given a task from God that will make a difference in others lives because He know that He can trust me to get it done!  

How much more will I respect my husband if I know that he was true to the little things? If he is faithful now in the little things, I know he will be faithful in the big things. The little things matter!

When Conflicts Arise

I think there is many things that we can learn from following the way the Lord recommends to resolve conflict and make decisions. Conflicts will arise in every relationship, that is a given. But, if we approach a conflict or issue with these steps, we will be more likely to resolve it and make everyone feel like they are not getting the short end of the stick. Taken from the way the First Presidency and the twelve counselors meet and discuss issues we can learn this:

1: Express Love and Appreciation
2: Pray
3: Discuss concerns to a consensus
4: Pray
5: Chocolate or Pie :)

When they meet each Thursday they follow this routine.
1. Expressing love and appreciation sets the field for a great discussion. All arrive early to the meeting and get all their chattering out. They recognize the things that other have done and express gratitude. Do you think if someone came up to you and said how beautiful you were that day or how you gave a really great presentation in class and then wanted to discuss an issue with you, that you would be more open to what they have to say and would take it more sincere? (Did you recognize that they arrive early? Some of you may be thinking that it is absurd to arrive 15 min early to a meeting let alone on time... this "Mormon Standard Time has got to stop!" )

2: Prayer calms everyone down, gets their attention and puts them all on the same page to invite the Spirit and get things accomplished.

3. The most important part of this step is to discuss till you come to a consensus, NOT a compromise. If you compromise, someone will always feel like they are getting the worse deal. If you come to a consensus, you both are on the same page. Understanding the values behind the decision and have a better understanding of how to go about the issue. If you cannot come to a consensus, drop the issue, and put it off for the next meeting. Go away from the meeting with a desire to learn all you can about the unresolved issue.

4. Prayer, thank your Heavenly Father for all that you were able to accomplish and for help to resolve the ones that you are still shaky on. Leaving with prayer will help everyone remember why you were gathered to resolve an issue.

5. My personal favorite! Every Thursday there is a whit box delivered from the local chocolate shop. In it, it has 15 chocolates. One for each member of the twelve, and one for each of the First presidency. Sometimes pie is served in addition. Giving everyone a little sweet makes everyone happy, lightens the mood and lets you go from the meeting happy and less stressed and tense.

Also, all of those 15 men know what time each week the meeting will be. They prepare themselves for it. Have you ever had someone come up to you and say "We need to talk"? You immediately get defensive and think to yourself how you didn't do anything wrong, and how the other person is at fault. If we know what time and place the meeting will be held on a regular basis, we can prepare ourselves to address problems and issues without hurting other people.

Lastly, always have love in your heart when you are talking about issues. It will come across as a concern more than an attack :)

Why Is Dating Dead?

In the past month I feel like everywhere I turn a friend of mine turns to me and asks "Why has dating died?" or "Why don't people date anymore?!" I don't think a day goes by when the topic of dating doesn't come up in our casual conversations. We are taught that we are not to hang out as a means of getting to really know people. Hanging out offers no commitment on either side. The boy doesn't have to ask or pay, and the girl/ boy can leave whenever they want to. 

There should be four very distinct stages in relationships: dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. 

Dating: it means you are going on dates! Which should be a variety of activities with a variety of people. Going on a date doesn't and shouldn't bring the thought "Oh my goodness he asked me out, he must be the one!" Dates should be simple and frequent. Dating means going on dates, it is not a condition!

Courtship: There should be a DTR (determine the relationship) to bring you to this next step. Determining and talking about your relationship with one another brings commitment and gets you both on the same page. It also allows you to practice communication skills with one another and will make it easier to communicate with each other later on. If you slide into this step, you more easily slide out of this step. Courting someone is a trial stage. How well do you work together, you can grow together and you are interested in the other persons needs just as much as you are your own. You should never date exclusively if you, yourself is not ready to get married.

Engagement: Well you all know what this step is. You have determined that you both are ready for the commitment of marriage and now want to spent the rest of your lives together. Even more of a growing together stage. 

Marriage: You made it! You both care about one another the same as you do for yourself, if not more. Both of you are coming closer together by strengthening your relationship with God and striving to be your best so the Holy Spirit of promise can approve and seal you as the years go on. 

Both men and women have been for the past few years reinforcing each others negative habits. Girls, stop letting the boys hang out with you! Boys, they are not letting you hang out with them because they want you to ask them out. The dates do not need to be super impressive or anything. In the conversations I have been able to have in my 4 years at college, girls just want simple dates and that is usually what they enjoy the most. A walk in the park with an ice cream cone, or a simple picnic. 

Boys, there is a point system with most girls. When asked the question, "Would you rather receive a dozen roses, or would you rather get one rose a day for twelve days?" Most girls responded with the latter. One point is awarded for each nice thing that is done, no matter how big or extravagant.Would you rather get one point a day for each rose? Or would you rather get awarded one point for 12 roses in one day? With boys, the bigger present or date would be ideal and would satisfy their needs for a while. The point system for boys is based on the size or expensiveness of the gift or activity. Keep the dates simple boys, earn more points over a period of time, you will get more points and it will save your wallet too. 

Because dating has become so rare, girls get very excited for the date, and that is why men usually don't want to ask out on dates because they think that the girl immediately thinks of marriage. If dating were more frequent, the girl would still get excited but, it wouldn't be less intimidating on both ends, because you both would know that dating just means getting to know qualities of the person that are desirable/undesirable in an eternal companion. Going on a date does not mean a lifetime commitment.  

Dating vs: Hanging Out

Dating has become non-existent in today's world. Hanging-out is very prevalent, people are getting married later and postponing having children (if they have any at all). This is contrary to what we have been taught and it needs to stop. This will only stop is we do something about it.

We are in a viscous cycle where dating has become rare. Because dating is rare then girls give in to hanging out because if they aren't going on dates then that is the second best. Then, because girls are allowing hanging out then guys get what they want without having to plan or pay for it. We are enforcing each others behaviors and it needs to change.

Elder Oaks said, 
"Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

If you do this, you should also hang up a sign, “Will open for individual dates,” or something like that. And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister." Dating vs: Hanging out


Challenge: Do all you can to go on frequent, simple, inexpensive dates. It doesn't need to be extravagant or long. It just need to be planned, paid for, and paired off.

Why Strive for A Temple Marriage?

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

The word essential means, "the utmost importance, necessary". Necessary? You mean it is necessary for us to get married? Yes! We have been commanded by God to marry and even more importantly in to marry in the temple. Temple marriages seal us together for time and all eternity and is the only way that we are able to make it to the highest degree of glory after life. 

Doctrine and Covenants 131:1-4
1 In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
2 And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
3 And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
4 He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.

Why would you want to settle for second best? Strive for first! 

I highly recommend the talk given by Elder Bednar called Marriage Is Essential To His Eternal Plan. It goes in more depth of why we would want a temple marriage and why it is essential to God's plan for us. 

Challenge for today's topic:
Plan a day to go to the temple. If you cannot enter the temple for whatever reason make a plan to become worthy of a temple recommend. Or just go to the temple sit outside and write in your journal. The temple is a great place to receive inspiration.

This is the beautiful Rexburg temple that I am privileged to live so close to. 

Becoming a Quality Person Now

Our first goal in becoming the person that we want to be, is to identify who we want to be. 

In this short excerpt from a fireside given by Marvin J. Ashton, he tells us why we need to strive to be a quality person. Becoming a Quality Person Now- Marvin J. Ashton 

Next, write a list of qualities you hope to have or be working on at the end of this short program. What habits do you want to have formed? What kind of person do you want others to know you as? What qualities does God want to bless you with? What qualities will be necessary to have in order to be a great mother/father? What qualities/traits do you want your children to learn from you?

President Henry B. Eyring tells us the importance of planning for the best in his CES fireside "The Family", but here is the excerpt I find the most pertinent to this discussion...

"There are things we can start to do now. They have to do with providing for the spiritual and the physical needs of a family. There are things we can do now to prepare, long before the need, so that we can be at peace knowing we have done all we can.

To begin with, we can decide to plan for success, not for failure. Statistics are thrown at us every day to persuade us that a family composed of a loving father and mother with children loved, taught, and cared for in the way the proclamation enjoins is going the way of the dinosaurs, toward extinction. You have enough evidence in your own families that righteous people sometimes have their families ripped apart by circumstances beyond their control. It takes courage and faith to plan for what God holds before you as the ideal rather than what might be forced upon you by circumstances.

There are important ways in which planning for failure can make failure more likely and the ideal less so. Consider these twin commandments as an example: “Fathers are to . . . provide the necessities of life . . . for their families” and “mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Knowing how hard that might be, a young man might choose a career on the basis of how much money he could make, even if it meant he couldn’t be home enough to be an equal partner. By doing that, he has already decided he cannot hope to do what would be best. A young woman might prepare for a career incompatible with being primarily responsible for the nurture of her children because of the possibilities of not marrying, of not having children, or of being left alone to provide for them herself. Or she might fail to focus her education on the gospel and knowledge of the world that nurturing a family would require, not realizing that the highest and best use she could make of her talents and her education would be in her home. Because a young man and woman had planned to take care of the worst, they might make the best less likely."

If we prepare for failure that is most likely what we will get... so lets prepare for the best!

About The Blogger

     My name is Jerica Jackman and I am the youngest of four and the only girl. I have a great family which I love to pieces. I brag about them any chance I get! I am a senior at Brigham Young University-Idaho studying Healthcare Administration, but also taking many family relationship classes. I have always loved the idea of marriage and family and hope to have a family of my own someday.
     Growing up in California I was always surrounded by many different types of family situations. Some with single-parent homes, some with broken marriages, and some with parents that loved each other and tried their best to make it work. I love all of my friends parents, I look up to them and I still keep in touch with many of them. Over the years I had heard the phrase, "Jerica, how come your family is so perfect?" many times. I don't remember what I ever said in reply to that question but as I have grown up that question still runs through my mind. Today, I know that my family is not perfect and we have our own struggles as do all of you, but I think I know why our family seemed to run so smoothly. It is because of the gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I probably missed many missionary opportunities to help other families figure this out too, but hopefully I can make up for it now.
     The purpose of this blog is to help those who want to, become the best person they can be. To prepare themselves for marriage, family, and eternal life. In the classes that I am currently taking, I have been so enlightened on how to be the best that I can now, so I can be the best I can then. Some of the tasks, talks, and activities will be ones that I have learned in the classroom, and some that I have learned in my own home. But, I encourage you to make this opportunity one that pushes you to grow and become the best you can. I hope you will have your eyes opened to the opportunities that can be yours if you put your trust in God.