When Conflicts Arise

I think there is many things that we can learn from following the way the Lord recommends to resolve conflict and make decisions. Conflicts will arise in every relationship, that is a given. But, if we approach a conflict or issue with these steps, we will be more likely to resolve it and make everyone feel like they are not getting the short end of the stick. Taken from the way the First Presidency and the twelve counselors meet and discuss issues we can learn this:

1: Express Love and Appreciation
2: Pray
3: Discuss concerns to a consensus
4: Pray
5: Chocolate or Pie :)

When they meet each Thursday they follow this routine.
1. Expressing love and appreciation sets the field for a great discussion. All arrive early to the meeting and get all their chattering out. They recognize the things that other have done and express gratitude. Do you think if someone came up to you and said how beautiful you were that day or how you gave a really great presentation in class and then wanted to discuss an issue with you, that you would be more open to what they have to say and would take it more sincere? (Did you recognize that they arrive early? Some of you may be thinking that it is absurd to arrive 15 min early to a meeting let alone on time... this "Mormon Standard Time has got to stop!" )

2: Prayer calms everyone down, gets their attention and puts them all on the same page to invite the Spirit and get things accomplished.

3. The most important part of this step is to discuss till you come to a consensus, NOT a compromise. If you compromise, someone will always feel like they are getting the worse deal. If you come to a consensus, you both are on the same page. Understanding the values behind the decision and have a better understanding of how to go about the issue. If you cannot come to a consensus, drop the issue, and put it off for the next meeting. Go away from the meeting with a desire to learn all you can about the unresolved issue.

4. Prayer, thank your Heavenly Father for all that you were able to accomplish and for help to resolve the ones that you are still shaky on. Leaving with prayer will help everyone remember why you were gathered to resolve an issue.

5. My personal favorite! Every Thursday there is a whit box delivered from the local chocolate shop. In it, it has 15 chocolates. One for each member of the twelve, and one for each of the First presidency. Sometimes pie is served in addition. Giving everyone a little sweet makes everyone happy, lightens the mood and lets you go from the meeting happy and less stressed and tense.

Also, all of those 15 men know what time each week the meeting will be. They prepare themselves for it. Have you ever had someone come up to you and say "We need to talk"? You immediately get defensive and think to yourself how you didn't do anything wrong, and how the other person is at fault. If we know what time and place the meeting will be held on a regular basis, we can prepare ourselves to address problems and issues without hurting other people.

Lastly, always have love in your heart when you are talking about issues. It will come across as a concern more than an attack :)